Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Struggles from Within

Today I'm struggling with my confidence.  Will I ever really be a writer?  Do I have it in me to create a novel that is compeling AND is written well?  There is so much that I need to work on (including my perfectionism), and at times like this I get all wrapped up in what I feel I need to get better at rather than what I CAN do.  People keep encouraging me to write after reading my work, but is this because they know and love me?  I've been working on the drastic revision of the first chapter for a cummulative six hours and still I am having problems getting anything down on paper. 

I find I am not one of those authors that is full of ideas - I don't look at the world around me at every second, seeing inspiration and those 'oooooh, that's a story right there' kind of moments.  Short fiction is so much easier to write because there isn't as much planning, linking and weaving of so many characters and plot lines.  Maybe I should just take the rest of the night off - or what Chris and I call 'emotional storm' nights. 

I've been planning on rearranging the furniture in our study so that I can somehow get myself to write at home.  Since the dark is arriving so much earlier now, I find it gets way too dark way too early for me to accomplish much of anything (I know it's weird but I write mostly in my car - my own personal bubble where I can pretend I am completely alone but outside at the same time).  Maybe I'll do manual labor instead of mental labor tonight...

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