Wow - Progress!

Well, in the last few days I've drafted chapter 5, 6 and the beginning of 7.  Holy crap!  Go me!

"Shitty First Drafts"

I keep hearing people say that writers need to think of their initial work as "shitty first drafts" (from a book Bird by Bird written by Anne Lamott).  I'm trying to take this into consideration as I write.  Instead of being a perfectionist all the time (that's me!), sometimes I just need to shut off my inner critic and just write.  Tonight, I made some progress on my novel because I treated it as a free write (though I even edit those as I go along).  It's definitely awful, but at least I'm getting somewhere, right?  Tonight I drafted chapter 5 and the beginning of chapter 6.  I'm going to rework them a bit before submitting them, but at least I got that far!  I've been turning out about a chapter every two weeks (which really comes from my school schedule of submissions more than anything else), so this is huge. 

My instructor and I spoke over the phone yesterday and she mentioned that maybe I should considered taking part in the NaNoWriMo in November to get the novel drafted (though unfinished - almost nobody can turn out a good, page-turning book in a month).  While I'm not sure if this is the right path for me, I'm realizing I need to stop worrying about everything being perfect.  Even the content or writing that I think is fabulous may eventually be cut or completely edited in the end.  When I pick up this draft in a a few months (to get some distance from my work) I'm going to see all sorts of issues I can't see right now.  Who knows if my 'good' writing will really turn out to be awful...

Novel Writing Workshop

I went to a novel writing workshop today.  The speaker was Waverly Fitzgerald, an author and writing coach.  It was free.  Free is good.  We did some exercises on building characters, plot and scenes.  However, I didn't learn much that I hadn't already read about in books, though I did pick up a tip or two from her.  The whole workshop was in preparation for NaNoWriMo next month ("National Novel Writing Month" where people set out to complete a novel in a month - in case the name didn't quite tell you.  He, he).  I figured, why not?  It's free, it's two blocks away and I'll be amongst other writers either in the middle of or at the beginning stages of writing a novel. 

The best exercise we did was actually taking the first incident (called many things from the 'call to action', 'inciting incident' and others - the thing that sets off the story) and doing a web of linked bubbles to that incident to think of what may happen in response to what happens (externally, internally, interpersonally, etc.).  I may use this idea many times, to build characters, plot points and other things.  Many books have told me to try this, but now that I have actually done it I realize why every single book on writing that I have read has mentioned something like this exercise.  It's really just a thought process on trying to see where the story could go, not necessarily where it will go. 

Right now, I'm also taking what I learned in the workshop to develop character sketches, or character back stories/histories.  There are many ways that this can be done, but I think at least for the main characters I am going to write out a mini story on a conversation with the character.  This is actually kind of fun!  It does take longer to do than just doing bullet points, but this helped me to realize something else - I write better when I know it's not going into the book!  How horrible is that?  Each sentence is coming easier and the writing is much more fluid as I just freewrite and let the character 'talk' to me.  Maybe this sounds a bit schitzo to some, but it really works!  So far I've only started on my main character, Synovee, and I'll do the same thing for the other main character, Anova, and some of the minor characters as well.  It's just too much work to do for everyone, though I will develop a background of sorts for each of the characters that 'matter' in the novel.

I'm glad that I went to the workshop, if only because it gave me a couple of pointers to take away and hopefully make some aspects of the writing process easier.

Drastic Revising

I just finished revising Chapter 4 of my novel.  Normally, I only have minor edits to something I have just finished (since the information is so fresh in my mind), but the feedback I received really helped me to see where the issues were.  This was by far the most drastic revision I have ever done - and the biggest headache!

I took out a lot of the dialogue and back-story, realizing that it was really heavy material to cover in a single chapter.  The information needs to be laced throughout the book, not just thrown at the reader all at once, I guess.  Who knew?  Here's to hoping that the chapter still makes some sense and leads me to great ideas for the next chapter.  The first draft of Chapter 5 is due to be critiqued next Wednesday.  That doesn't leave me with much time, even though I still need to read and do this thing called 'learning' about the craft on the side.

The first Harry Potter book is great.  One of my instructors suggested that I read through how the world is introduced to emphasize spreading out the material.  While this did help, I need to remember that the first book was intended for young adults (I think from 10-12) and the details are very simple and easy to understand.  The world I am building is a bit more complex and adult.  It seems there may be a lot more work needed when there is more material to cover, but is there really?  I mean, Rowlings seemed to introduce the magic/muggle worlds quite effectively with what seemed little effort.  Can I also accomplish this in my own novel?  I guess that means more revising...

Is my writing group too hard?

Last week my writing group canceled on me, but I'm wondering if the group is the right fit for me anyway.  I know a writing group needs to be a part of my independent study, but should I stay with a group that is so blatant in their honesty that I'm continually quoting them in exasperation?  Although it is good to get feedback (even negative feedback), I find this group to be so much different than any other that I have been in - not in a good way.  One member isn't even working on his writing, just submitting work he has done in the past.  Maybe I'M just being too critical.  However, it feels like I'm the only one trying to become a better author.  Is that wrong of me to say (or in this case, write)?  Aren't writing groups supposed to be constructive?

Does sex matter?

I’ve always been drawn to female authors. Occasionally, a male author will spark my interest (usually judged entirely on the cover art, I’ll admit), but I find that female characters are what I’m after – in my experience they have been portrayed more realistically (emotional depth, etc) by women than men, probably because they are one. Female heroines are pictured on almost all of the books in my library – all with one fantastic ability or another. But why? I guess there doesn’t have to be a reason why, but I had to ask. I’m a woman, I like reading books about women. That’s clear enough, right?

But should I really be biased on the sex of the author? Somehow reading a book written by a man about a female main character doesn’t ring true. He may be a wonderful author, but somehow just knowing it’s not written by a woman changes how I see the character. Plus, most books by male authors are about male main characters – as I’ve found in my limited experience, though I am an avid reader.

Unfortunately, since I have started studying the art of writing full-time as I write my own novel, I analyze everything. Everything. It’s awful. I’m near the end of my first ‘fun’ book I have read in maybe five months (at least a book of my choosing, not from a school program on the ‘Best American Fiction’) and I’m stuck on a terrible typo from the first quarter of the novel! Eek! Does this mean that I’m going to analyze and critique every single book I ever read from this point on? Will this make my bias of male authors that much worse? Am I doomed to be tainted by my sex bias and find fault in even my favorite female authors? Reading has always been my favorite pastime. Now, it feels like I’m working when I pick up a book. I read to relax. I read to be entertained. I read to have my emotions run amuck. I read to get OUT of my head, not back into it.

Maybe for the time being I will give myself allowances on my critiquing (of female or male authors), since I am over my head in learning the art of writing at this particular moment. Once I get more comfortable in my writing skin, there may come a time when I can read for fun again. Wow that sounds dreary. I’m sure you know what I mean. Maybe I’ll even branch out and read about male main characters. Who knows? I do own a few books with male main characters, but, honestly, I keep them because they have enticing female characters surrounding them. I’m just fixated. Can that be fixed? Should I be ‘fixed’? Does sex really matter that much?

Wasn't the sun just up?

I might not be very good at this writing thing yet, but at least I have intense focus to rely on.  Tonight I spent four hours in my car typing away on my little laptop, but the funny thing is that I was so wrapped up in writing I didn't even realize it had gone dark outside - even though I had to squint to see my scribbled notes as the light dissipated.  As soon as my battery ran out in my computer, I finally realized how much time had passed.

So, I think I'm about finished drafting the fourth chapter of my book.  At this point, I'm really just adding the final touches and revisions to my work before I submit it for critique to my instructor.  It needs work.  There's no question about that, but at least I have something down on paper.  Write, write, write.

Although many, many books I have read on technique for writing fiction has told me that I should write every day - get into the habit of at least one hour a day where I sit down and just write - I'm not sure if this would work for me.  There's a lot of energy involved in getting 'in to' the story after putting it down (no matter how long), so in order to pick it back up EVERY NIGHT would require about a half an hour of reviewing where I was and THEN I could get to continuing the writing.  Plus, my brain just needs to relax sometimes...Here's a quote from Gail Dayton's blog from last week:  "Your writing goals are Your writing goals. Your process--How You Write--is Your process. I probably do it differently. So does everybody else. And however you do it--if it works for you, then Great! If it doesn't work, well--try something else." 

I've written short fiction before.  That seems so easy right now and remembering how simple it is compared to writing a novel makes me want to put away all of the work I've done and go back to just doing short fiction.  I'm good at taking the easy way out.  Isn't everyone?  PLUS, I've taking on my first novel and it's fantasy, a genre in which I read constantly but have never formed even a short piece of work within.  What have I been thinking?  Talk about jumping in feet first - or head first - or butt first, whatever makes it sound worse - maybe belly first (flops really hurt).  However, I'm on this course and I need to see it through.  I have a lot to learn about spreading out the plot, building tension and in-depth character development, but I'll get there.  Maybe slowly - maybe in leaps - who knows.  One thing I'm sure of (at least at the moment) is that in the end I will have a novel written.  What?  I want this to be a trilogy?  Stop.  One book at a time.  One chapter at a time.  One paragraph at a time...

I think my stomach hates me

The thing I have noticed this week as I go through the internet looking for blogs or websites for my favorite authors is that authors are just normal people.  The pictures I have had in my mind of the authors have been almost nothing like their pictures online, differing greatly in age range and hometown.  This isn't to say that I assumed everyone lived in my area, let alone in the same country, but they are so widely disbursed that it amazed me.

I am in the middle of reading C.E. Murphy's new book Walking Dead, which is set in Seattle - a place where I am well familiar with the terrain.  It is an urban fantasy novel (meaning in 'our world' but with fantasy involved), and Murphy's writing style is flippant and provocative.  I'm loving it.  I knew what to expect because this is the fourth book in a series (yes, there I go again with my love affair with series fantasy books), but somehow after so long since reading the prior book I forgot how much I loved her writing style.  What I came to realize is that her books may resonate with me because I am very sarcastic, though I don't think this comes through much in my writing.  Although one of my characters takes on a bit of this style, the entire novel won't be written this way - it just doesn't match the story or plot line, even half developed.

Great news, though!  I have come up with a plot twist between the first and second book!  I can't tell you what it is (who knows, you might be a future reader...), but I think it will make things a bit more interesting in the second book (god, am I already planning on continuing the torture that is novel writing?!).  With a lot of work I have drafted the fourth chapter (though it remains quite rough) and will turn it in to one of my instructors on Thursday for her comments.  Some final changes need to be done before then, but it's taken a lot of work to get this far. I'm also meeting with my writing group on Thursday.  Here's to hoping for a little positive feedback on chapter 1 - maybe my dialogue doesn't 'suck' as much as in the prologue. 

I've forgotten to eat dinner, so I'm off to find something to throw together so my stomach stops harassing me.  It's funny the things that are easily forget when I'm writing - I'm just glad breathing is automatic.

Question Everything

"Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom."  

                                     -George Iles

Photo by Kristine (Liverpool, England; September 2009)

Chapter Four - dialogue, dialogue, dialogue!

The majority of my day today has been writing.  Writing, writing, writing.  This chapter is going to need some reworking, but at least it has some substance to it (probably too much).  Right now, there is no flavor to the writing - I'm focusing mostly on getting some information down rather than style.  Other than trying to revise the first three chapters (then throwing that work out) and a short back story that may or may not be anywhere in the actual book, this is my first work that will actually continue the plot and story that I have written in about a month and a half since my quarter ended in school.  This is both exciting and exhausting.

Mainly, I am worried about the overwhelming amount of dialogue currently in the draft.  One or two characters are telling the main character the history of the made up world in order to get to the end of the chapter where they reveal how that relates to her own life.  I'm hoping I put enough narration and interjections of other characters to break up the immense amount of information I tried to say as concisely as possible without leaving out the importance of each event or topic (whew that was a long sentence!).  That's hard to do!  AND, this is all related through dialogue, which I was told by my writing group last week is my biggest issue.  Great.

In my efforts to become better at dialogue, I am reading a book on writing dialogue and tape recording people in public (creepy, huh?) so that I can study how people talk to one another.  I find that I am not the most observant person and have a horrible memory for details (i.e. names, etc), let alone trying to remember an entire conversation so that I can write it down later for reference.  The book I am reading suggests what I am doing, and I am trying to be as respectful as I can to the people talking.  For example, I am in a coffee shop right now and I have the tape recorder (which is actually a digital voice recorder, but I think the name 'tape recorder' stuck from my younger years) in my purse recording away while I type.  I plan to listen to this recording later and see if there is anything of note - catchy comebacks, phrases, etc that give me a better idea of how dialogue works.  Well, I may feel a little creepy and like an intruder, but I have also recorded myself on a phone call - man do I sound like a complete moron.  Maybe my dialogue in my writing isn't very literary because of my own speech issues...

Well, time to turn my laptop off before my brain or eye balls explodes (which ever comes first).  The one drawback of writing is the endless headaches I get from eye strain - it doesn't matter if I'm hand writing or on the computer.  More Tylenol down the hatch!

"Your Dialogue Sucks," he said.

Last night I met with my writing group for the second time, with actual submissions for feedback. My group members read and commented on the prologue to my novel. While I was expecting some feedback on the storyline, I did not expect the harsh words I received. This is not to say that I was offended by the feedback, merely that when other groups have commented on my work previously they may have been a bit softer in their delivery of opinions. Last night, one member said, and I quote, “Your dialogue sucks.” Given that I realize my dialogue does need some work, it was a little jarring to hear this said in such a harsh way. This type of feedback will take some getting used to.

Although I could look at the comment about my dialogue and say, “Why did I think I could be a writer?” but I would rather see the group member’s words as encouragement to improve my work. As I’ve heard about the industry, my skin is going to have to thicken considerably when it comes time to submit my work for publication (though this won’t happen for some time). Past groups I have been a part of may have been too easy on my work, leaving me wondering what was REALLY wrong with my writing that needed improvement. So, a little harshness and brutal honesty has been a long time coming, and I think it may be what I need at this point. We meet again next week. At least I know what to expect from the group now.  Now I may prepare accordingly.

Changing Mindsets

After last night's meltdown, I've decided to keep my chapters the way they are for now.  Although I put a lot of work into the revision, I really just need to move forward for the time being.  Right now, I'm working on a historical story for the book, a tale that will be told about the beginning of 'high magic' (so to speak), while taking into account the character and plot changes I have made to the story.  I'm actually doing okay!  Tonight my writing needs to be turned into the sponsor of my independent study at school.  I'm hoping it will be okay to turn in what I have done tonight (which really is a revision of a specific part of chapter 2-3, but I'm changing so much is feels like I'm rewriting the whole side-story). 

I've also decided that the way I need to look at each chapter from this point on is to view each as their own short fiction story.  When I really think about it, this actually is true of how chapters work, stories within a story that links them together.  If each chapter is viewed as its own piece of work, I think I can wrap my brain around the novel.  Thinking about writing a novel in entirety is a bit mind boggling.  This just goes to show that when something isn't working, try something else - even if that means changing a mindset.  Back to writing. 

Struggles from Within

Today I'm struggling with my confidence.  Will I ever really be a writer?  Do I have it in me to create a novel that is compeling AND is written well?  There is so much that I need to work on (including my perfectionism), and at times like this I get all wrapped up in what I feel I need to get better at rather than what I CAN do.  People keep encouraging me to write after reading my work, but is this because they know and love me?  I've been working on the drastic revision of the first chapter for a cummulative six hours and still I am having problems getting anything down on paper. 

I find I am not one of those authors that is full of ideas - I don't look at the world around me at every second, seeing inspiration and those 'oooooh, that's a story right there' kind of moments.  Short fiction is so much easier to write because there isn't as much planning, linking and weaving of so many characters and plot lines.  Maybe I should just take the rest of the night off - or what Chris and I call 'emotional storm' nights. 

I've been planning on rearranging the furniture in our study so that I can somehow get myself to write at home.  Since the dark is arriving so much earlier now, I find it gets way too dark way too early for me to accomplish much of anything (I know it's weird but I write mostly in my car - my own personal bubble where I can pretend I am completely alone but outside at the same time).  Maybe I'll do manual labor instead of mental labor tonight...

I thought I wasn't going to...

I just started rewriting chapter 1...exactly what I said I wasn't going to do.  Well, I felt that it needed a little work and a lot more action.  The basic elements of the first three chapters will be the same but I removed two characters and started in the middle of a new scene.  Although it isn't clear if this is any better, I feel like it may work better in the long run.

I'm going to keep cracking on this draft until I figure out if it is going to work or if I'm just going to end up going back to the old version.  We'll see!

Collective Insanity

Today I met with a new writing group in Seattle that I will be meeting with on a weekly basis.  We had never met before, so the first meeting was a bit awkward, a little like what one would expect from a blind date of sorts.  My hopes are that this group will grow and become more comfortable together, though I have never joined a group like this outside of the academic arena - I'm not sure of the commitment level of the members or the type of feedback I will receive about my writing.  Some individuals are not familiar with the fantasy genre, but in some ways that is good - he/she may find holes in the plot where people who are used to the blurred reality lines may not.  We'll see how it goes this Thursday!

Philosophical Brooks

So, today I struggled with coming up with meaning behind my novel. I mean, why am I writing it and why would anyone want to read it? I really have to thank my boyfriend, Chris, for his unending support. We talked for a long time about whether my novel should be more philosophical or more adventure-like - that is, following hours upon hours of trying to wrap my brain around a concept of religion/spirituality/science that took me deeper and deeper into more and more questions about existence in general, which in the long run doesn't even relate to what I am writing. Chris merely told me I already knew what I was going to write, and, of course, he was correct. Somehow I ended up coming back full-circle to practically the same spot where I had started. Although it feels a little like I didn't accomplish anything in my writing today, I really have. These thought provoking questions are really helping me to solidify my story.

Yesterday, I read Terry Brooks' Sometimes the Magic Works: Lessons from a Writing Life. I was thoroughly engrossed and inspired by this book, written by a well known fantasy author. His writing style was honest and open, while maintaining a hard edge of truth in relation to what it truly means to be a writer. The life of a writer should not be glorified - writing is hard work and although it seems like success is just around the corner, most of the triumphs are merely by luck and/or perseverance. He wrote: "Everyone asks a writer where he gets his ideas...The truth is that coming up with ideas is easy; it's making up the stories that grow out of them that's hard. Just sitting down and thinking about writing doesn't always work. It would be nice if it did, but the creative process is more complicated than simply deciding to create and then doing it" (p 90-91). On the other hand, Brooks sees writing as a gift that should not be squandered. I would suggest this book to anyone writing speculative fiction or general fiction as well.

Reading Brooks' book made me want to re-write everything I have written so far (the prologue through chapter 3), but after talking it over with Chris this seems like a big mistake. If I go back to the beginning and start over I will have lost all of the progress I have made up to this point. I may go back and edit a few things (mainly since I have changed a few of the plot lines and character arcs), but there won't be an overhaul until I have drafted the entire book (hopefully) and go through for final edits.

Funny enough, one of my favorite passages from the book is about the awkwardness of explaining what you write to people when you are involved in this genre: "Actually, my family and friends like me well enough, but they think I am weird. Or at least peculiar. I can't blame them. I should have grown up long ago, and yet here I am, writing about elves and magic" (p 5).

By the way, I purchased Terry Brooks' first published book, The Sword of Shannara, to read this quarter. I vaguely remember that this series was my first jump into the fantasy genre - I wish I could remember the books better, but maybe it's better I don't...

Silent Moments

When the world seems to stand still.

Photo by Kristine (Mt. Rainier, a reflection lake; August 2009)

Trials and Simulations

When I first started writing again a few years ago, I found it hard to decide whether or not to take any creative writing classes. My fear was that I would be trained to be what I refer to as a ‘cookie-cutter’ author, who follows story formulas, strict grammatical standards and preordained plots (though I have now realized this is true, no matter an author's training - too many stories have been written to truly come up with anything original).

However, when I decided to take the plunge and become involved in learning the craft, I found the year-long program in college did have some aspects of simulating an author into a writing drone but not in the way expected. Of course, in order to catch the attention of readers there are certain standards of writing capabilities and known tricks of the trade that change a piece from mediocre and bland to fantastic and exciting. To tell the truth, I didn’t learn much from the year-long program (other than the fact that the program had me actively writing again) but subsequent coursework proved very useful and encouraging. The amazing people I met in my last class helped me in ways I cannot even describe, complete with a mixture of connections between writers and understanding between friends.

As my writing continues, there is a small sense of loss for my old comrades in college that are off taking new programs or onto the next stage of their lives. A few connections remain, but acceptance of this missing support system leads me to wonder if new bonds can be formed as quickly but last longer than a quarter in college. With that in mind, this Sunday I will meet with a new group of writers that are unconnected with the college. This is a brand new group of people who have never met before, but I'm hoping all will work itself out in time.

In the next few months (Fall Quarter), there will be a lot of reading, writing and discussing about the novel I am drafting. Currently, I have drafted the prologue through chapter three of a speculative fiction novel (aka fantasy or science fiction genres; in this case fantasy). The characters for this book have been begging to be committed to paper for over five years, though the plot is only somewhat developed. Thankfully, with some perseverance I was able to secure a faculty member at my college that would sign off on a sixteen-credit independent study so that I may continue my novel. This is a rare and unique opportunity to have a captive audience to read my work (and provide feedback), an incentive to continue writing and the ability to design my own study program. I'm very excited but also realize the immense amount of work in front of me. More trials and simulations to come!

Welcome to my blog!

As an aspiring author, I wanted to start an online journal of sorts to map my progression into the art of writing. My current project is a speculative fiction novel. More to come!